OFFICIALLY DIAGNOSED!!!

For years, I thought the day I was diagnosed would instantly bring about tears. Tears of joy, relief, and confirmation that I was, indeed, NOT a psycho! This day came on Monday, April 8, 2013, during a 3 hour evaluation, at an appointment I showed up late to, thanks to traffic (I called ahead though, of course. Mama ain't raise no ill mannered fool).

After going through my entire medical history, lifestyle, diet, past bullshit diagnoses *cough, cough* (fibromyalgia), and a full on physical, with a fine-toothed comb, the conclusion was clear... I have Late Stage Lyme Disease. FINALLY, after 7 years of suffering, something serious, I now knew what I was up against. And as freeing as that moment felt, there were no tears. Not from me or my mum, who has accompanied me to every appointment.-- Going in, neither of us thought we'd come out with a clear cut answer. Like the many previous specialty doc visits, we expected to go through the routine of giving the information, being examined, and sent for tons of lab work, then a follow-up appt. But not this time! They were no bullshit. And sitting there an examining table, just a little before noon, I received the answer I was DESPERATE for... and I wasn't ready. 

It's taken me this long to finally reach out to you, my people :), because I'm still trying to grasp it. Not so much b/c of the diagnosis, itself. But because, I think I'd honestly lost hope of ever solving the mystery a long time ago. And hearing it from a doctor (the very white coat jacket wearing bastards I'd come to hate) was unreal to me!

Now, let's get into this disease, WHICH, might I add, comes with it's fair share of controversy. By definition, Lyme Disease is: An inflammatory disease caused by a spirochete (Borrelia burgdorferi) that is transmitted by ticks, usually characterized initially by a rash followed by flu-like symptoms including fever, joint pain, and headache. If left untreated, the disease can result in chronic arthritis and nerve and heart dysfunction. And in this particular case, my case, it's been left untreated for at least 7 years now, thus, giving it the prefix, "Late Stage." And in Late Stage LD, the treatment is far from simple. 

Because this infection has set up shop for quite some time now, there has to be some heavy hitters sent in to beat this thing. My central nervous system has been compromised, for some time now. And to quote my doc "your central nervous system is basically fried." Due to LD being a disease of the nervous system, the pain, to my understanding and my own fucking experience, can be as severe as cancer pain or post surgical pain! Unreal. Oh, and while I'm throwing out some "did ya know's," had this not been detected and treated properly, it would have very well killed me.

At this very moment, I'm in the beginning stages of beating this things ass!!!! But, of course, not w/o a price. Between the medication for pain, and vitamins to replenish what's been taken, and the injections twice a week, not to mention the brain spect scan, to see how much damage has already been done, this shit is beyond expensive. Especially, when I've been out of work for a year and by doctor's orders, won't be able to even THINK of working for at least 9 months!!! The guilt from knowing just how deep into my parents' pockets, I am, ALONE, is killing me! I have no way of financially contributing to the expenses of MY disease! (unless I start turning tricks or something but with being on strict  rest and with all these venereal diseases floating around nowadays, I just can't risk it!... Oh. Plus, it's illegal and ethically unsound -_-). My diet is now a gluten free, sugar free, caffeine free, high protein, low to no carb, Paleo Diet... AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR DAT!!! This, all before I can even begin the aggressive IV antibiotics for a good 4 to 8 weeks. And if all goes to plan, I should be up and running in about a year and a half.

Can you guys tell I'm completely and utterly overwhelmed yet???

No doubt, I am beyond relieved to know what's been ailing me for so long. It's just so many unexpected, mixed emotions I'm facing now. "It hurts when it's alive, and it hurts even more when it's dying." That is what my doc said to me about this disease. I have a long road ahead of me and forgive me but I'm not excited about the trip.

I do, however, have BIG plans to turn every drop of this rain into something meaningful. Whether I have to build my own or trespass onto someone else's, there will be a platform for me to put the word out on this rising epidemic. Lyme Disease symptoms, at it's later stage, are so similar to Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and Multiple Sclerosis (MS), many people are misdiagnosed everyday. Lyme Disease is not an easy catch! Especially, when you're part of the 20% who DON'T get the bull's-eye rash. OR one of the many who don't even recall ever being bitten by a tick! And it's even more difficult when the generalized testing, here on the east coast, is only 30% accurate. In order to truly get down to the nitty-gritty of LD there's some serious digging that has to be done to even accurately confirm, that insurance companies are too cheap & most docs are too ignorant or "too busy" to go the extra mile.  

I would not wish this hell on ANYONE... not even the countless ass quacks that sent me home with a death sentence, telling me, it was all in my head. I want this unwanted experience to mean something. I want to prevent this ever happening to another 16 year old.

What the devil meant for evil, God is allowing me to turn it around for good. I am so overwhelmingly grateful for the love and support shown to me over the years. Although, it sucks, I've learned so much about myself and what some people are truly capable of. Compassion isn't everywhere, and that's a lesson I hated learning. But, hear me, this: What I have learned, that will carry me through this chapter is, Despite this not being the story/testimony that I wanted, it is PERFECT for the lives I was sent to save, heal, and change. 

I often asked God, "Why me?! Why such a struggle?!" And every time, without fail, He'd reply, "Because I am using you." ...His answer has manifested itself to me, today! And I am ready for WAR!!!

To learn more about Lyme Disease, early treatment and prevention, click this link: 

http://www.aldf.com/lyme.shtml