Confessions of the Chronically Frustrated

The way I love Has Yet to be reciprocated.  My love language? A dialect no one speaks. My head's underwater. No snorkels allowed. I wade in a sea of  My own ill-gotten tears.  The pain? Seemingly beyond my threshold. Yet, I still love the way I  love. I refuse to let my heart harden. For there are few things in this life Stronger than a docile heart.  A heart that loves so easily. Yet begs itself, Pleads with itself, Blood curdling cries Highlighting the desire to take That love BACK for itself.  For it's beauty has been worn. The substance of it laced with hurt. It's unfair! But it SO can be repaired.  It's pliability makes it malleable. Giving, The Potter, free reign  To breathe life into me, While my wounded heart lay in repair. Spinning the clay-like organ As I journey along Protected.   On a divine ventilator, Waiting. The vitality of my vessel spins Between the loving hands of, The Truth. Every indentation, Every impression, Made love to so sweetly, So passiona

Heyyy!!! My good golly it's been a while since I passed through here. The Lyme induced dyslexia has been at bay for a while now so I figured I say hi. I've missed you guys!!! Since I last posted, MY GAWD , have things in my life changed?!-- Today I turn 31 years old and my mind simply cannot conceive it! I'm blessed. Who knew this day would come other than God?? 'Cause I for sure damn didn't. *shrugs* (I know we can use emojis now but the asterisk life just feels right today. lol) I dunno if you can sense it yet but I come to you all today drentched in so much joy! Sincerely. And it feels kinda scary to say outloud. B/c every other time I THOUGHT I was headed in the right direction in life, Life's, petty ass would snatch me RIGHT back with the quickness. It was a nevering ending cycle. To the point that I was left with so much egg on my face, I was afraid of speaking positively over my own life. Scared of getting my feelings hurt once again due to

My Dearest Followers (both proclaimed and ghost, alike), I have been spending DAYS trying to write this blog entry on my latest IG (@iamTendaroni) posts/hoax.— That’s right! A hoax. I was and am NOT pregnant! And I only apologize 1) for anyone who’s feelings were truly  hurt by my taking advantage of the spirit of April Fool’s Day and the very visible symptom— Oh, yeah! That bulging belly is very much real w/ ZERO manipulation on my part to appear that way. And 2) I sincerely apologize for the confusion that accompanied an incredibly long break between posting and explaining. Because my initial reasons for said “ruse” were (& still to an extent) simply to raise awareness of just how dead serious I am when I say “chronic/late stage Lyme Disease affects EVERYTHING!  As well as, the incredibly HARSH realities us Lymie Women must face when it comes to pregnancy outside the comforts of remission....  ... but then came the comments— all positive and pro-life—- leading me to realize,

My Dearest Mommie, I've been lying here for hours just trying to find the words to express how much you are to me. But it's hard to pick the big things or significant things out of EVERYTHING... because that is what you are to me, Ma. You are EVERYTHING!!!!  This road has not been an easy one for us. There have been many a speed bump and quite a few hurdles. But here we are just on the cusp of 28 years later and you are still not a ray short of my sunshine! ☀️ From my birth up until this very moment, our journey has NOT been easy. But thanks be to God, he lent me YOU!!!-- I'd go on to list all your AMAZING qualities... i.e. Your compassion, your drive, your FIGHT, your smile, your UNCONDITIONAL love for me & my siblings; as well as your adopted grandchildren. You're effing (see how I purposely censored myself 'cause I know you don't like it when I drop those f-bombs. 🙄 Only for you, on your day! 🙊)... but the remainder of who you you are (ALL GOOD

Oh, Mylanta!!!! I have missed you all to pieces! Few but true, you're always there to listen, relate, and share in my tales of frustration and life... and I APPRECIATE you all for that!!!! Sincerely. Now, it's been quite some time since the last time I wrote to you... And with due cause. Last year, as well as this barely-here-year, has been hard on ya girl. For real! Even before the Lyme Disease Awareness Banquet (and don't worry... there WILL be a post with pics of the blessed event... Like... it requires it's own entry!) but, as I was rambling, even before that event, I knew I was going downhill. I'd gotten extremely toxic. To the point of it coming out of my pours and whatnot. I was not okay. And I knew it. I could feel it. It was draining. It wasn't me! AND on top of my earthly vessel under constant attack, Life's, ass decided she wanted to join in too. Not to mention the many  "physicians" I saw, determined to disprove my, very expen

Oh, Mylanta!!!! To say that I've missed pouring my heart out to you guys is an understatement . I truly apologize to my regular readers for being t-totally MIA! Since my last post, nearly a year ago , things have been quite trying, to say the least. It's been very hard for me to type (still is), as well as put together a cohesive thought. The amount of fog that's been cluttering my brain has been BANANAS ... and y'all know, I fuggin HATE bananas! lol And if I'm gonna be terribly honest with you guys, I've been completely OVER the whole "Lyme Light." I am so much more than a sick chick, and I'm over that being my persona! I got to a point that, if I never heard anyone ask me about the illness or even mention the words, " Lyme Disease" , it would be all too soon. I've only been diagnosed, with the nation's most controversial disease, for 2 years and had already grown tired of the constant questions... questions about how my