Heyyy!!!!! I'm back and better than ever before... Seriously.
As of late, I've been feeling a lot better. Thanks to my amazing support system, I'm on my way to brighter days. I got new health insurance, a new medical team, new meds, and a brand new love.... ME!!!!! The heavens have opened up and poured me out a serious blessing!!!!! And lemme tell you, I am BEYOND grateful.
I always say that I've spent the past few years "strength training" and OH MYLANTA, did I need it!!?! In no way, shape, or form was I ready for what life had to throw at me. And BOY did it test my character & my faith!
The bullshittiest of the bullshit found a way to litter my path. Shit that didn't even pertain to me, made it's way to haunt me! Sheer NONSENSE was all I could account for in my life and something HAD to be done!
... SoOoo, naturally I panicked and isolated myself from all things EVERYTHING until I could get this malarkey under control. *shrugs* ....Judge me.
BUT it worked!!! I was able to reevaluate my circumstance and take back what was rightfully mine... MY LIFE!!!! In self reflection, meditation, and all that hippie shit, I found what needed to change... and surprise SURPRISE, it was me. -_- The things that were happening and severely affecting me were things that I opened the door to. Now, of course, there were some things that were completely beyond my control, like my health... or lack thereof. lol But, rather, the people that had absolutely no interest in me, good or bad, but what they could get from me. Or the many ignorant ass opinions of others that I took to heart. I'd come to realize, woe was me and all I could see was misery.
I began to settle for things that just weren't for me.-- Due to my past and self inflected present, I convinced myself that I DESERVED to be miserable... that I deserved less than the absolute best. I was all the way WRONG!!! You see, as humans, we crucify ourselves and each other based on our past sins (things we had done when we were young and stupid and "privileged" little shits). We condemn ourselves daily for things that can't be erased & subject ourselves to a life filled w/ regret and "what if's" that simply have no place in our psyche!
As of late, I've been feeling a lot better. Thanks to my amazing support system, I'm on my way to brighter days. I got new health insurance, a new medical team, new meds, and a brand new love.... ME!!!!! The heavens have opened up and poured me out a serious blessing!!!!! And lemme tell you, I am BEYOND grateful.
I always say that I've spent the past few years "strength training" and OH MYLANTA, did I need it!!?! In no way, shape, or form was I ready for what life had to throw at me. And BOY did it test my character & my faith!
The bullshittiest of the bullshit found a way to litter my path. Shit that didn't even pertain to me, made it's way to haunt me! Sheer NONSENSE was all I could account for in my life and something HAD to be done!
... SoOoo, naturally I panicked and isolated myself from all things EVERYTHING until I could get this malarkey under control. *shrugs* ....Judge me.
BUT it worked!!! I was able to reevaluate my circumstance and take back what was rightfully mine... MY LIFE!!!! In self reflection, meditation, and all that hippie shit, I found what needed to change... and surprise SURPRISE, it was me. -_- The things that were happening and severely affecting me were things that I opened the door to. Now, of course, there were some things that were completely beyond my control, like my health... or lack thereof. lol But, rather, the people that had absolutely no interest in me, good or bad, but what they could get from me. Or the many ignorant ass opinions of others that I took to heart. I'd come to realize, woe was me and all I could see was misery.
I began to settle for things that just weren't for me.-- Due to my past and self inflected present, I convinced myself that I DESERVED to be miserable... that I deserved less than the absolute best. I was all the way WRONG!!! You see, as humans, we crucify ourselves and each other based on our past sins (things we had done when we were young and stupid and "privileged" little shits). We condemn ourselves daily for things that can't be erased & subject ourselves to a life filled w/ regret and "what if's" that simply have no place in our psyche!
***GIVE UP ON WHAT HAPPENED AND START FOCUSING ON WHAT'S HAPPENING***
I now know that regret only hinders progress. And I've been a victim of "regret" for so long that I was blinded from the lessons I should have learned. But now I see clearly what I should have know all along: If making the mistakes I made in the past was the only way to gain the wisdom I now attain, than BY GOLLY I think that's more than a fair muh fuckin' trade!!!
I'm a brand new person b/c I'm no longer stressed by the stupid choices I made years ago. I understand that I am far from perfect and still have a ways to go. But I do know, for a fact, I possess a heart of compassion and one pleasing in the eyes of God. And if He is always willing and able to forgive and literally forget, who the hell are we not to?!
I'm FINALLY at peace with who I am! And that's, a black, freckle faced, God-fearing, strong, potty-mouthed (don't judge), silly, wounded, intelligent, loyal, blunt, artistic, introverted, compassionate, hopeful, newly humbled, faith-driven, loving, renewed and restored, American Woman!!!!!
Fuck with me ;) HA!!!!
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