Confessions of the Chronically Frustrated

There are times when you're hit w/ a hard reality... and those times, for me , come  often & close between. This past year, alone , has taken me to points I didn't even know existed!! And in those days, where things seemed impossible to handle, I PRAYED for death... I wished everyday, so badly , that I would just be taken from this hell I was being put through. Every day I was given, felt like a curse... as if God were laughing at my cries. It had taken a little over 4 years for my optimism , hope ... my faith, to shape-shift into pure cynicism . I grew tired  of hoping against ALL hope that things would turn around for me. I came to accept the fact that my fate may just lie in an early grave. And if that meant the end to my suffering, than... so be it! I stopped dreaming. I stopped living ... I was on auto-pilot headed towards a very ill fated destiny. I was alone in knowing that something had gone terribly awry w/ my body. No one believed me ... sai...

Deeper than the Pacific.  Carefree you frolic, within. Unaware of the intense pressure you dispense upon my soul. Plunging , and diving , stretching far beyond its seemingly non-existent limits. Where there is no boundary, you find... On a verge, that never was, you stand. Testing my patience... Conspicuously measuring my love. I see clearly how selfish you've become BUT like a fool ... your fool , I'm ignorant to it's consequences. I fell victim to your trap.  Charmed by the lullabies after lies, you'd soothe.  Knocked entirely from the realization that I've spent years avoiding ANYONE like you. You push... I pull. And vice versa until we're found in this full blown " tangling-tango " . A dance that leaves me dizzy, stumbling , desperate to grasp the knob of any door. A jig , I can't stand; but one you seem to have mastered. Because at the first sign of my desire to bow out, gracefully... you squeeze my hand tighter , pull me cl...