Not a Good Time

Being chronically ill, I have run into my fair share of problemos and even more of my fair share of assholes. Big surprise, right?... HA! And.. I guess... that's why I don't really like having too many close relationships. B/c a lot of ppl, in their own demented way, cannot handle my way of life. And that, to me, is total and utter bullshit! BUT then again, that's life.


I've titled this particular blog "Not a Good Time" b/c me being sick as often as I am is NEVER a good time. And what's even more inopportune are the stupid ass comments and attitudes I get from the idiots LEAST affected by my illness. And as of late, I've run into a slew of health problems and was recently in the hospital for a brief spell that, of course, lead to an ear full of malarkey & got me thinking of past bullshit scenarios. Let us go down the list, shall we?:

• "You're always sick!"
• "You might as well forward your mail to the hospital."
• "Do you ever feel good?"
• One of my personal faves, the time the male nurse got salty w/ me b/c he almost stuck me in the eye w/ a needle when I lost consciousness.
• The time I went to apologize to my supervisor for repeatedly having to run to the restroom to vomit only for her to reciprocate w/ a salty, "You know what you can just go home b/c I'm not gonna pay you to sit in the bathroom all day." and later bitching to me about how much of an inconvenience my health was to her. FORGETTING all the many times I covered for other people, pulled many a double shift, and, despite very life threatening emergencies, waiting until my shift was over & everything that need to be done. was, seeking medical attention.
• Having to suffer the salty ass attitudes of idiot acquaintances when I'm not feeling well b/c they're under the impression that I'm here for their entertainment.

That's just some of the many illogical and totally selfish cases I've been subjected to. And I wish... oh, how I wish that was all I've been forced to become accustom to BUT it isn't and it's really starting to piss me the fuck off!!! No one knows better than me how often I'm under the weather! I DON'T NEED A REMINDER!!!! And instead of thinking about all the very few ways my situation affect you why don't you stop and just think for 5 seconds of all the many and frustrating ways my situation affects me! I am the one who has to live w/ this for the rest of my life. I have heard the comments and felt the hostility in the past and unfortunately always will. Me! This is my life and sad but true chronic means "ongoing". So the next time you decide to open your mouth and express your feelings about what I'm going through, why not stop and consider my feeling first. And I'll guarantee you'll be singing a different tune.

I know that in most, if not all, circles I'm considered the fun loving, funny girl, w/ a devil may care attitude (still don't see it but whatever *rolls eyes*) but in most, if not all, cases it's just an act (refer back to my 1st entry). I am a very scared girl who doesn't know if/how I'll make it to tomorrow, hiding behind that facade b/c I don't appreciate the sympathy and attention, but I do and always will DEMAND respect. 

I already have to live a life "less than" that of a normal 22 year old and, trust me, I can live w/o your stupid ass comments (That aren't even remotely funny! Even though you think you just spit def comedy jam gold... I mean, if they were indeed funny I wouldn't mind them... I like to laugh) and your salty ass attitudes! Cuz 9.99999 times out of 10... It's just NOT a Good Time.<--- Food for thought;)